Quotes

Most girls will fall for any as long as you are willing to work for it....making her feel special......but would it worth your time.

Eating Log

Eatries i've been till date:

1)Mushroom pot - http://www.mushroompot.com/

2)Waraku - http://www.waraku.com.sg/index-sin.html

3)Soup spoon - http://www.thesoupspoon.com/default.asp

4)TCC - http://www.thecoffeeconnoisseur.com/

5)Riverside indonesian restaurant - CLOSED

6)Pasta de waraku - http://www.waraku.com.sg/index-sin.html

7)Cafe cartel - http://www.cafecartel.com.sg/

8)Kublai Khan Mongolian BBQ - http://home.pacific.net.sg/~mongolianbbq/index.html

9)Kuishinbo - http://www.res.com.sg/

10)Shinkushiya (jap BBQ + jap curry rice) - http://www.shinkushiya.com/

11)Bottle tree village - http://www.bottletree.com.sg/

12)Soup restaurant - http://www.souprestaurant.com.sg/

13)Swensens - http://www.swensens.com.sg/

14)Min Jiang @ Goodwood park Hotel - http://www.goodwoodparkhotel.com/dining-minjiang.htm

15)Renaldo's apple strudel - http://renaldostrudel.com/

16)HANs Cafe - http://www.hans.com.sg/hansv3/avantwerx/live/2/1/index2.jsp

17)Crystal Jade - http://www.crystaljade.com/index.htm

18)Hog's cafe - http://www.hogsbreath.com.sg/

19)Coffee Club - http://www.coffeeclubworld.com/

20)Mad Jake's cafe - http://www.madjackgroup.com/

21)Botak Jones - http://www.botakjones.com/

22)The Balcony - http://www.balconybar.com/

23)n.y.d.c - http://www.nydc.com.sg/luscious.html

24)Sakae Sushi - http://www.sakaesushi.com.sg/index.html

25)Han Ka Ram (The Heeren) - CLOSED

26)Ajisen Ramen

27)Secret recipe - http://www.secretrecipe.com.sg/default.asp

28)Chocz - http://www.chocz.com.sg/

29)Jack's place - http://www.jacksplace.com.sg/main.html

30)Fish & Co - http://www.fish-co.com/main.htm

31)Spageddies - http://www.spageddies.com.sg/webtop/restaurant.phtml

32)the Asian Kitchen

33)My Secret Garden - http://www.mysg.com.sg/main.htm

34)Tony Roma's - http://www.tonyromas-mms.com/en/index.php?q=singapore

35)Nihon Mura - http://www.sukigroup.com.sg/website/nihon-mura.htm

36)Altivo bar & Glass bar

37)Lao Beijing - http://www.laobeijing.com.sg/

38)Jumbo seafood - http://www.jumboseafood.com.sg/

39)Tung Lok Seafood - http://www.tunglokseafood.com/

40)Seasons Reasons - http://www.seasonsreasons.com.sg/

41)Andersons's ice-cream

42)One Rochester - http://www.onerochester.com/home.asp?pid=1

43)Dian Xiao Er - http://www.dianxiaoer.net/

44)Timbre - http://www.timbre.com.sg/

45)Ya Kun Kaya Toast - http://www.yakun.com/

46)Hotpot Culture - http://www.hotpotculture.com/

47)Sizzler - http://www.sizzler.com.sg/

48)Bread Papa - http://www.beardpapa.com.sg/index.html

49)Tori-Q - http://www.tori-q.com/

50)Joaquim steamboat - http://www.suntecsingapore.com/restaurant/joaquim.htm

51)Pepper lunch - http://www.pepperlunch.com.sg/

52)Bakerzin - http://www.bakerzin.com/index.asp

53)Straits Cafe @ RENDEZVOUS Hotel

54)Himwari - http://www.sbestfood.com/himawari.htm

55)Just noodles - http://www.justacia.com/index.html

56)Delifrance - http://www.delifrance.com.sg/

57)New York New York - http://www.newyorknewyork.com.sg/

58)Zhou's Kitchen - http://www.zhouskitchen.com/

59)Ichiban Sushi Japanese Restaurant - http://www.res.com.sg/

60)Dozo Japanese Fine Dining Restaurant - http://www.dozo.com.sg/index.html

61)Sakura - http://www.sukigroup.com.sg/website/sakura.htm

62)Toast Box

63)Outback Steakhouse - http://www.outback-sea.com/sg/

64)Shokudo - Raffles City

65)BAB Noodles - Millenia Walk

66)Mr Curry - The Central - http://www.waraku.com.sg/index-sin.html

67)Lai Lai Family Rest - JP

68)

69)

70)

Shopping cart

1)HugoBoss MAN perfume $54

2)Obermartin shoes $79

3)Lacoste polo-T $99 (15% off) $85

4)MontBlanc Starwalker perfume $50

5)Nokia E65 $88 (FOC with $100 discount voucher)

6)Tequilia gold $48

7)Safra card - 5 yrs subscription $128

8)Levis copper series jeans $135.90 (20%) $113.85

9)Adidas street soccer shoes $79

10)Nike water bottle $19

11)Manchester United jersey with logos, name & number printing $159

12)SK ring (sf xmas) $455

13)Lacoste polo-T $92.65 (xmas)

14)FCUK polo-T $59 (xmas)

15)LG KU990 Viewty $288 (sold for $570)

16)Samsung D900i $460

17)FCUK bag $129 ($119)

18)Adidas street soccer shoes $77

19)Adidas soccer ball x2 $35

20)Adidas polo-T $92 (30%) $64.40

21)Nike shoe bag $19.90

22)Bruan Buffel bag (sf bday) $149

23)Beetle Bug sandals $53.90

24)Biotherm facial pdts $106 ($45+$36)

25)Bodyshop pdts $22

26)Polo Black purfume set $128 ($23) + luggage bag(FOC)

27)Fujitsu laptop $1724

28)IKEA computer table $95

29)laptop cooler balls $21.90 + carrying case $14.30

30)Brand-less pillow $39

31)Red2 shirt (sf present) $29.70

32)Lapmate mouse $19

33)Nike burmudas $63 (v.day)

34)Nokia N95 $298 + pouch $15

35)Toys R'Us water tank $13

36)Adidas round neck t-shirts x2 $19

37)Nike bag $85 (anniversary)

38)Adidas polo-T $75

39)Nike shoes $102.50

40)Nike red shirt with hood $38 (sf present)

41)Bayern Munich jersey $85

42)Nike burmudas RM 58.50

43)FCUK for Him perfume set $39

44)FCUK for Her perfume set $39 (sf present)

45)Bueberry perfume $38

46)Teva slippers $29.90

47)Versace purfume $18

=====

From Bangkok:

48)Levis jeans 1750B

49)Levis polo-T 990B

50)Levis sling bag FOC

51)racing-designed polo-T 3pcs 900B

52)P-MU away 08/09 jersey 300B

53)P-Valencia home 08/09 jersey 300B

54)P-Chelsea home 08/09 jersey 300b

55)P-England home 08/10

56)beer-designed singlet & t-shirts 3pcs 300B

57)bermudas 2pcs 760B

58)water bag 564B

59)Fila shorts & polo-T 870B

60)grafitti T-shirt 130B

61)grafitti polo-T 195B

62)DKNY underwear 525B

63)iron-on badges of various countries 100B

64)P-ALL BLACKS rugby polo-T 250B

=====

65)Johnnie Walker $48

66)Tequilia $48

67)Martini $11

68)Creative portable speaker $49

69)Nike duffel bag $85

70)Nike purple shirt $36 (sf present)

71)Polo Ralph Lauren (big pony series) $175 (20%) $140

72)Braun Buffel money clip $123

73)Pedro slippers $69 (20%) $55.20

74)Nokia 3120 FOC

75)Nike boots $72

76)Nike socks $18.90 (3 pairs)

77)Nike shorts $22

78)Levis jeans $109.50 ($50 old jeans trade in) $59.90

79)PSP $365

80)Nike shorts $48

81)Elizabeth Arden perfume $68 (sf present)

82)NUM bag $162 (xmas)

83)Sony W120 camera $220

84)Nike shoe bag $14

85)Nike water bottle $6

86)Nike Fit Pro $40

87)Head tennis racket $89

88)Prince tennis balls $35

89)Pedro loafers $89

90)Nike Pro Fit $20 x2

91)Nike Barecelona towel $10

92)Nike shorts $30

93)Nike polo-t $25

94)Nike "Nadal" singlet $20

95)Nike tennis shorts $20

96)Coach wallet $505 (sf present)

97)BMW polo-T $59

98)Adidas Polo-T $55

99)NUM Respect T-shirt $59(10%) $53.90

100)Nike tennis polo-T $59(20%) $47.20

101)Nike slippers $29

102)Adidas tennis shoes $60

103)Adidas golf polo-T $35

104)Adidas soccer ball $15

105)Nike wrist towel bands $12.90(30%) $10.30

106)shoe refresher sneaker balls $8.90(30%) $7.10 + $8.90 X2

107)Cavin Klein undies $35(20%) $28

108)Pedro belt set X2 $138

109)Pedro shoes $113

110)Crocodile pants $59.90(20%) $47.92

111)Rauol shirt $159(30%) $111.30 + $119(30%) $83.30

112)Rauol cufflinks $79(30%) $55.30

113)Rauol ties x2 $178(30%) $124.60

114)Man Studio cufflinks $29

115)Nike Waffle range t-shirt x2 $62(40%) $37.20

116)G2000 shirts x4 + ties x2 $308.50($30) $278.50

117)Laneige facial pdt $26

118)G2000 shirt $59(30%) $41.30

119)G2000 shirt $69(40%) $41.40(25%) $31.05

120)Nike water bottle $19.90(20%) $15.90

121)Cavin Klein undies $104 (20%) $83.20

122) Cavin Klein undies $39(20%) $31.20

123) Ozozo card holder $53

124) Nike shorts $48(40%) $28.80

125) Pedro bag $149(15%) $126.65 (bday)

126) Adidas Yellow polo-T $52 (v.day)

127) Pedro shoes $133(20%) $106.40

128) Rauol cufflinks $79(30%) $55.30 - $50 voucher(Jerrold) = $5.60

129) Cavin Klein undies $45(20%) $36

130) G2000 shirt $39

131) Davidoff perfumes (Adventure Amazonia-100ml, Adventure-50ml, Altitude-50ml) $135

132) Nike shorts $48(30%) $33.60

133) Pedro shoes $49

134) shoe refresher sneaker balls $9(15%) x5 $38.25

135) Wilson K Tour Tennis Bag $67.90

136) Seagate 1TB External HDD $162.18

137) Philips Iron $69

138) G2000 shirts x2 $69 + $34.50 = $103.50

139) Emporio Armani Watch $470

140) Crocodile pants $37.74

141) Adidas specs $500 (claim-CTB)

142) Nike boots (yellow) $75

143) Polo Ralph Lauren polo-T (Batam) $71.78

144) Polo polo-T $

145) NUM singlet + sufern's shirt = $99.85

146) G2000 Black Label Isetan Scotts $109.22

147) Burberry polo-T $220

148) G2000 Black Label Taka $170.32

149) Raoul shirts $178.80

150) Nike boots (golden) $53.40 (claim $33.30 CTB)

151) A/X Armani Exchange polo-T $65

152) IKEA shirt rack + shoes expanders $25.30

153) A/X Armani Exchange polo-T x2 $180

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Penny Pincher

An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.” The doctor then said, “I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount…”

Difference btwn WIFE & GIRLFRIEND

Some people say:
Wife is a HARIMAU ............
Girlfriend is HARI HARI MAU...

And some say:
Wife is like TV, Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, Go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old but HP, is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding.

Most Important, TV got remote but HP doesn’t have.
Last but not least.......
TV do not have virus but HP have VIRUS......
Once get it, HABIS LAH.
So better choose TV lah!!

Love is...

A normal / innocent girl - ( Not a slut) is willing to strip off clothes and to stand naked in front of you is something that is like a 'sacrifice' already. Its shows that you have a place in her heart. It abit humilating too.

She agrees to have sex with you...

Shows that she treasure you, love you and would just let you do whatever you want.

If you are with her , and what you want to get from her, is just SEX, SEX , SEX that shows that you are very selfish.

Because you have taken something which is very precious to her... Its something that is once broken, never ever could patch back.

Love isn't about SEX and SEX isn't love...

If someone is willing to give you her first time.

Ask yourself this question :

"Do I really Love her? "
" Will i hurt her?"
" What are the concequences ?"
"Am i ready to take the responsibility should anything happens?"
"Am i being selfish"

If you "f" her,Treasure her, treat her well, DON'T BE A BUS 3rd and dump her after that.

cool

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big,big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new
shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."

We went on to the jewelery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't
even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,"Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out.

The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him.

The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!".

The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet.

A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila.

He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.

Unusual Funeral

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her
morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession
approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long
black hearse about 50 feet behind the
first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary
woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance
back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully
approached the woman walking the dog and said,
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a
bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.
Whose
funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was
trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!!"

They each continue on their way, and ..... as the man rounds the next
corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road ..... and dies immediately.

If only men would listen.

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS

Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."

Pick-up Line Put-Downs

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like
yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest
dreams.

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American
tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the
abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land,
through the air, under the sea.
The Americans were incredulous.

Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and
discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine.
He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg
was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and the
tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.
"Jacky," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and what are
you listening for?"
The aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971
Valiant Ute. It's red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is
out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are 9
blackfellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3
kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and
detailed knowledge.
"Goddammit man, how do you know all that?" asked one.
The Aborigine replied, "I fell out of the F--- thing about half an hour ago!"

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the

Wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "sh*t."

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"

"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
Men replies;
Without
Information
Fighting
Every-time

Wife replies:" No,......It means
with
Idiot
For
Ever !!!"

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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.


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young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that IS confidential .

**************************************************

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

"Do u know that the meaning of WIFE is:
Men replies;
Without
Information
Fighting
Every-time

Wife replies:" No,......It means
with
Idiot
For
Ever !!!"

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the six o'clock news on television. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, the man jumped The blonde gave the redhead $50.

The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend."

The blonde said, "No, a bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on TV on the five o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde says, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five blondes - two in the front and three in the back of the car - wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver is obviously confused, and says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour," the old woman said proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am," the officer says, "I have to ask... Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

She heard the drinks were on the house

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant: It's already raining.

Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.



Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.



A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.

He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"



Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....

A couple of rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.

The rabbits ran into a briar patch to hide.

After catching his breath, the male rabbit asked the female rabbit, "Should we try to sneak away or just stay here till we outnumber them?"

So you want a day off? Let's take a look at what you are asking for!

There are 365 days this year.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available.

With a one hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves only one day available for work and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off!

Blonde Stopped By Police

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"

"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, "Ummm... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Uh... yes." replied the cop.

"Here's what you do." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."

"What!!? I can't do that. Its... inappropriate." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me. Just do it." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not another breathalyzer......"

22 Things To Never Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wax their floors.
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie.
Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls.
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wear high heels to work.
Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, "Don't ... Stop..."
Bad girls say, "Don't Stop...".

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new
facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE &
FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate
steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

So this guy's tired of life and fed up with not getting sex, so he goes to join the monastery. But there's a recruitment test. As the Abbott explains to the ten potential recruits, "My sons, we must be sure that you won't be troubled by sexual impulses if join the order. So we have a test for all our prospective members. Take your clothes off, sit on the bench, and attach this bell to the end of your penis. When the naked woman comes into the room, any man whose bell rings will have failed the test. He won't be allowed to join our order, and must leave at once, for he will be sorely troubled with sexual thoughts while he is in our midst."

So the men, young and old alike, sit on the bench with a little bell tied to the end of their cocks, waiting expectantly. Then the most beautiful young blonde with big tits waltzes into the room and starts walking slowly down the line, teasing the men as she goes. Not a sound. Not a single erection, not a single bell rings. Until she gets to the end of the line and pushes her butt into the man's face.

Well, it's all too much for him - his cock shoots up, the bell rings furiously and goes flying off across the room with the force of his erection. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, confused and embarrassed, "I'll just pick it up and leave." So he bends down, naked butt upwards, balls dangling, and from behind him comes the tinkling of nine little bells.....

There's a man who has fifty inch long penis. But he can't get any sex, because every woman who sees it faints at the sight. So he goes to the doctor and begs him to shorten it. But the doctor refuses - he can't shorten a perfectly good penis, he tells the man, but he does happen to know a witch who lives in the forest. She might be able to help.

Because he's so desperate he decides he'll go and see her, though of course he thinks it's all a bit odd. But he sets off into the forest and sure enough finds the witch sitting in front of her cottage casting spells. "Witch," he says, "please help me, I have a fifty inch long penis and no one will have sex with me!"

She takes one look at his massive cock and then says, "You do need my help. But you must go into the forest and find the magic frog who lives in the pond. Ask him to marry you, and each time he refuses, your penis will shrink by ten inches!"

Weird though this is, the man is desperate, so off he goes into the forest. And, sure enough, he finds the magic frog singing quietly to itself. "Froggy," he shouts, "please marry me!" The frog looks up, annoyed. "No!" he croaks, "I can't do that, seeing as how I'm a frog and you're a man." The guy looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches! It's still a bit long for sex, he thinks, at forty inches, but he's delighted, so he shouts back at the frog: "Oh, go on, please marry me!"

"No - I told you once!" the frog croaks, "I can't do that!" The man looks down - sure enough, his penis has shrunk by ten inches again! It's now only thirty inches long! The guy thinks this is wonderful but, still, another ten inches off would be perfect!

"Frog," he roars across the pond, "please marry me!" The frog looks extremely annoyed, shakes his head and shouts, "No ..........NO.....AND FOR THE LAST TIME.........NO!"

Cow, Ant & Donkey

Cow, ant & a Donkey are debating on who is the greatest among three of THEM


So here it goes........ ......... .


Cow : I give 50 litters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest.

Ant : I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the Greatest.


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HELLO-WHY ARE YOU SCROLLING DOWN??

ITS YOUR TURN NOW - PLEASE SPEAK UP

It was 5 o'clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing,

And the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walked in and bellowed,

"This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you all formed up outside and butt naked now!"

The soldiers quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.

The sergeant walked out and yelled, "Close up the ranks and conserve your body heat!" The soldiers complied and moved closer together.


The captain appeared with his swagger stick. He walked up to the first soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! " "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

The captain then walked up to the next soldier and whacked him right across the chest. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

The captain was rather impressed with the toughness of the soldiers; so he walked up to a third soldier.


The captain noticed that the soldier had an enormous erection, so naturally he gave his target a huge whack with the swagger stick. " Did that hurt?" he yelled. "No, Sir! "


"Why not?" "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!

i was in health class the other day and our teacher said that sperm has sugar in in. this girl stood up and asked why it didnt taste sweet then. realizing what she said, she was really embarassed and began to leave. the teacher then stopped her and said "because your sweet taste buds are on the front of your tongue... not the back of your throat.

A husband and his wife were talking one day and the husband asked his wife why she never lost her temper when they had an argument.
She told him that she handled her anger in a different way.
He asked her to tell him her secret.
She told him that she cleaned the toilet bowl after every argument they had.
He could not understand how that helped.
She explained that she used his toothbrush to do the cleaning.

An inventor was finally successful in making the machine of his dreams. Excited, he called out his son and said, "Son, I have toiled for twenty inventing this machine that if you put a pig at one end of this machine and sauges will come to the other end." The son replied, "Duh, dad. That’s so yesterday. Why don’t you invent a machine in which if you put the sausage at one end of the machine and a pig will appear at the other end?" The father said," Oh son, I have already invented that. It was twenty years ago when I put my sausage into your mom’s machine and out come a pig of a son like you!"

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I''ll give you $100 if you''ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I''m supposed to promise to ''love, honor and obey'' and ''be faithful to her forever,'' I''d appreciate it if you''d just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom''s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom''s hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

3 ladies were on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that there was a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea.

A Chinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up. A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions.

The Chinese lady replied that if she looked beautiful, the guys coming to rescue survivors could usually save the pretty ladies first. On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jeweleries.

An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.

The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels. Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off.

Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her. The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the "Black Box" first!

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - "Hello ?"



W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club? "

H - "Yes."

W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

H -"What's the price?"

W - "Only $1,000."

H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

W -"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. It's a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year...

H - "What price did he quote you?"

W - "Only $65,000..."

H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else...

H -"What?"

W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."

H - "How much are they asking?"

W - "Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price.. .and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"

W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

H - " Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks " Does anyone know who this Cell phone belong to???"

Once upon a time, in a far and distant land, there was a little spider hanging down by his web on a branch over a little stream. Then there was a fish in the little stream. The fish was thinking to himself, “If this spider comes down 2 inches, I will jump up and eat the spider”.
Over in the bush there was a Bear. The bear was thinking to himself, “If that spider comes down 2 inches, then the fish will jump up and eat the spider, and then I will jump out and catch the fish in my mouth.
And then there was a hunter behind a tree near by, and he was thinking to himself, “If that spider comes down 2 inches, the fish will jump up and eat the spider, and then the bear will jump out from the bushes and eat the fish, and then, I will shoot the bear.
But then there was a little mouse behind the hunter. He was thinking to himself, “If that spider comes down 2 inches, the fish will jump up and eat the spider, the bear will jump out and eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, and while he is shooting the bear, I will jump in his pocket and eat his cheese.
But then there was a cat, and he was thinking to himself, “ If that spider comes down 2 inches, the fish will jump up and catch the spider, the bear will jump out and eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the mouse will get the cheese, and then I will jump out and eat the mouse.
So as it turned out, the spider came down 2 inches, the fish ate the spider, the bear caught the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the mouse got the cheese, and as the cat was running out to catch the mouse, it slipped and fell into the little stream…..
Now what is the morale of this story….????
(scroll down and have a look)






The longer the foreplay, the wetter the pussy……

3 words during sex
What are three words that a married person would never want to hear during sex?

Honey I'm home

NO MORE 5C's BUT NEW 5B's and 5K's

NO MORE 5C'S BUT NEW 5B'S...........^.^

I don't need a CAR, but I want a BMW
I don't need a CONDO, but I want a BUNGALOW
I don't need you to have CASH but I want you to own a BANK
I don't need you to have a CAREER but I want you to be a BOSS

Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5C's! :

Car, Condo, Credit Card(Gold), Cash and Career

Heard of the 5B's?

B - BMW
B - Body
B - Brain
B - Billionaire
B - Bungalow

And, and addition with the 5K's .....................

Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)

We've been reading about the 5C's! and 5K's for Singaporeans, now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia 's equivalent...

Singapore 's "practice" for Simple Living :

1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary

Malaysia 's Malays "practice" to Simple Living:

5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House